Month: August 2018

Wigan Zoo set to display a rare Jacob Rees-Mogg

Curators at Wigan Zoo, one of the finest animal sanctuaries in Britain, have announced their latest prize exhibit, a Jacob Rees-Mogg (Poshtwaticus Poshtwaticus).

The Zoo had heard rumours of the existence of the mythical “Super Posh Tory”, but they never thought a live display would be possible. Their plans received a boost when they got Lottery Funding, to allow them to prepare a small castle, the Bertie Wooster Wing, in which to house the exhibit. Continue reading “Wigan Zoo set to display a rare Jacob Rees-Mogg”

The NRA send thoughts and prayers to victims of America’s latest mass shooting in (insert location)

Right-thinking members of the NRA are tonight sending their thoughts and prayers to the victims of America’s latest mass shooting at (insert location)

Billy Bob Williams, on behalf of the NRA, immediately held a mentally ill person who would’ve done it anyway, responsible. And he was probably a Muslim, wasn’t he? Continue reading “The NRA send thoughts and prayers to victims of America’s latest mass shooting in (insert location)”

Is Donald McTrump really Scottish?

The Leader of the free world, and President of the United States of America has made much of his Scottish Ancestry. However recent comments have cast doubt as to whether or not the Orange haired wunderkind is really Scottish.

Donald McTrump, speaking about various funding arrangements involving his lawyer and the odd sex worker suggest he may not be as tight fisted as a Scot. Continue reading “Is Donald McTrump really Scottish?”

Latest exam results are the best ever again

For the fortieth year running, education chiefs have announced that A Level and GCSE exam pass rates have increased yet again.

The A Level pass rate is now up to 94.5689% and the GCSE pass rate sits at 92.456128%.

The annual increase in exam pass rates has become a cause for some controversy as older people fail to understand that every year the intelligence of pupils and ability of teachers increases. Continue reading “Latest exam results are the best ever again”

The Chatty Chimp is owned and operated by Chattychimp Ltd