Monkey News

Sexy, blonde, tousle-haired sex siren, Borisina, to launch new erotic lingerie collection

Queen Victoria’s Secret Lady Garden have announced the new face of their latest erotic lingerie collection. It is none other than the sexual temptress and Jezebel, Borasina Johnson (54). The cuddly sex siren and wanton harlot was recently announced as the new face of elderly lingerie.

A Chris Griffiths, speaking for QVSLG said, “We ran the focus groups and couldn’t believe it when Borasina came out top in the poll of the 10 most bonkable people. Just goes to show what happens when you let the people vote.”

He went on to explain, “Commercially it made sense, to use the amorphous chubster so allowing us to appeal to the LGBTQ market, which means just about everyone . Quite frankly if the population are prepared to, at least privately admit, this blimp like bubble head is their secret sexual fantasy, who are we to judge.”

Borasina Johnson recently hit the headlines when the serial adulterer was caught cheating on his wife by having yet another hot and steamy affair with a much younger woman. Many onlookers wondered in disbelief and puzzlement why any woman would want him in the first place.

Dane Allen said, “I don’t understand it, he’s repellent in every way, but here he is having a casual sexual relationship with a woman half his age. There’s no justice, I just have to make do with a jar of lube and copy of Big ‘n’ Bouncy. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but really? I wouldn’t touch him with yours.”

QVSLG said, “Nowadays physical beauty is not as defined as it once was. We believe that Borasina can inspire the middle-aged, those stuck in a sexual rut, to reignite their passions. Not only that, we think Borasina can really open up the man boob and corsetry markets.”

Publicly, at least the nation appears astounded anyone would want the heaving, quivering lard arse bearing down on them, let alone doing the dirty. However the magic focus groups seem to suggest that men, women and others are secretly drawn to the cheeky, chubby blonde. and he is not out of the running to win the next series of Celebrity Big Brother.

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