Brexit

University of Life to offer a post-Brexit degree in fruit-picking, cleaning and making coffee

The three year degree course will cover all of the key jobs, and skills, currently undertaken by economic migrants; Fruit-Picking, waiting tables, home and office cleaning, coffee server, caring for the elderly, hospital porter, taxi-driver, hod carrier and sex worker.

Once completed, The University, claims their graduates will be uniquely placed to benefit from the financial boost Brexit is expected to give the economy.

Sid Littlejohn, from UoL, said, “Our aim is to produce multi-skilled, highly employable, British people to do the jobs no one in the UK wants to do. The reason we’ve so many modules within in the syllabus is to allow our graduates to build up a range of practical skills, allowing to make up a whole year’s temporary work, when they leave.”

He went on to add, “We have tailored the course to practical experience rather than boring academic study. With that in mind, the UoL has its own fruit farm, coffee-shop and old peoples home, we’ve signed up to Uber and purchased a pack of Red Bulbs.”

Responding to claims the UoL was cashing in on na├»ve undergraduates, by charging full fees and employing them unpaid labour in the UoL’s dodgy businesses, Mr Little responded, “Well yes, the government cut our grant again and we need money to do proper universitying. At least they aren’t wasting 3 years, time and money, studying 14th Century Mandolin Playing. This degree means they will be able to get many jobs when they leave and almost earn enough to live on. “

Dudley Dolittle, from the Employers Federation, said,” We really couldn’t care less. Migrants took those jobs because it was the only work they could get, post Brexit it will be the only work anyone will be able to get. It doesn’t matter if they have a degree in fruit picking or not. See the fruit, pick the fruit.”

Categories: Brexit, Monkey News

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