Monkey Business

The Great Scottish Whisky Robbery – Whisky Galore 2

Over the last 15 years, sales of Scotch have boomed. This River of Gold has fuelled stunning growth in the Scottish Economy and it’s all down to one man.

Sitting in an Edinburgh Pub an Advertising Executive, called Daniel Mallen, had a very clever idea. As he watched some English golfers, sound off about their Whiskies, he noticed  they tried to out do the other with evermore superlative, and knowledgeable, descriptions of the whisky. It was fruity, smoky, oaky, cokey, fragrant, chocolatey, apparently it had a lovely nose and a long finish.

The catch was that Daniel knew the landlord had been refilling the bottles with cheap blended whisky for years and so the great Scottish Whisky Caper was born.

Daniel got together as much money as he could and bought a label printer, a bottling machine and as many barrels of cheap whisky as he could get his hands on. He designed some old looking labels and put on twatty descriptions;

This rare vintage, single cask malt whisky performs a terpsichorean ballet on the tongue. The floral notes dance and delight in equal measure, with the spirit of the azaleas bursting through the rose garden. It shows stunning strength and beauty designed to lift the soul etc. etc.

And advertised it for sale as, “An absolute snip at ¬£478 a bottle.”

The trouble with whisky is, it’s very difficult to tell a good one from one you could strip paint with. People use money as a guide, the more expensive, logically, the better the whisky. It has the added value as they really enjoy telling others how much it cost.

English culture vultures couldn’t get enough of it. Everyone had to have a ‘favourite’ whisky, saying “You can’t put a price on a totally unique experience, what, what.” The canny Scots were quick to catch on, the caper was on and prices have been rising ever since.

The Scots, meanwhile, keep the good stuff hidden under the counter, just for the locals. If you know where to go and who to ask, well! then you are on to a winner.

Select bottlings of Glen Gotya are available from our on-line shop, at £657 a throw, not including postage and packing,

Categories: Monkey Business

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