Monkey News

Little Englanders demand golf respects the views of Brexit and stops including bloody foreigners in the Ryder Cup

Little Englanders, such as Naughty Nigel, Bonking Boris, Mad Michael and Jolly Jakes believe Brexit means Brexit. Now the Little Englanders have gone full gammon after seeing the EU Flags flying during the Ryder Cup. They want golf to respect the views of all Brexiteers and bin all them damn foreigners.

Interviewed in the Brussels sponsored EU Corporate Entertainment suite at the Ryder Cup, Naughty Nigel wanted to know what the golfing authorities thought they were doing including foreigners on the same team as England and Norn Ireland.

Justifying his own presence, on yet another Euro junket, he said he’s a Euro MP, and as an occasional member of the fisheries committee he has a vested interest in golf. He went on to add, “Turning up on this euro junket means I can claim attendance allowance, even though golf bores me rigid. More Champers anyone?”

Tommy B, Manager of Team Europe, dismissed Naughty Nigel as a renowned prat and said, “The idea of a United Europe, made up of Swedes, Italians, Spaniards, Danes, Scots and a few Brits all getting along together was, admittedly, a novel idea but he saw no reason why it couldn’t work. Perhaps we could try it off the golf course as well?”

One pundit tried to point out to the Little Englanders that the reason the Europeans were included in the first place was because England used to get hammered every time it was played.

Meanwhile Brexiteer golf fans are having a mental melt down. Many voted leave in the referendum and, driven by their dislike of the Yanks, are forced into supporting Team Europe. They can be seen in the crowds, with their beetroot coloured faces, waiving the EU Flag and gritting their teeth. The emergency services have defibrillators on standby.

One Little Englander said, “There will be none of this after Brexit, it will be back to playing it in Birmingham and giving second rate English talent a chance to play.”

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