We are very saddened to hear of the untimely death of the controversial truth campaigner and stalwart fighter for truth, justice and integrity.
Renowned as the editor of several National Newspapers, and as a known associate of Rupert Murdoch, Smears was never one to not go far enough.
In fact there was no lengths his team would not go to in order to reveal the intimate personal secrets of just about anyone. His work in this area received special praise from Judge Levenson, who was particularly impressed by the dogged determination of Smears reporting team.
Apparently, in his early life he studied journalism, which came as a surprise to many.
Having faced down his detractors in the UK he began working in the US, where his plummy British accent helped secure him a prime time evening talk show. However the US audience were no more a fan of Smears than his British audience and the show was cancelled.
He was a keen sportsman, taking up boxing later in life. Unfortunately, he was soundly beaten in his only public bout when taking on the noted van driver and pugilist, Jeremy Clarkson. Unexpectedly this proved to be the high point of Mr Clarkson’s career.
Smears was always keen on pissing contests, although he struggled to win any of them. His repeated defeats in public spats with Ian Hislop, Jeremy Clarkson, J K Rowling, Hugh Grant, Ewan McGregor, Aaron Ramsey and Gary Lineker are a testament to his dogged determination to carry on regardless.
His last public achievement came in the political arena. He tried to improve Anglo-US relations by orally massaging the colon of the American President, Mr Donald Trump. It is believed that this is where he contracted the toxic bacteria, Orangium Orangananus, that was to end his life.
It is unlikely we shall see his ilk again.
Categories: The Monkey Graveyard