Fears rose amongst the Tory party, as an indistinguishable piercing sound could be heard, echoing deep within the bowels, of the PM’s Office, in the House of Commons. The cunning plan to leak key Brexit details to the press, have themselves, been cunningly leaked.

Experts drafted in, were particularly interested in the leaked notes, detailing May’s final plans, which had been passed to some notable British Broadcasters. Once safely removed from the matchbox they were being stored in, a number of enquiry lines were followed.

With the deadline fast approaching for the presentation of the final Brexit deal to the British public, any source of disquiet had to be found, then extinguished post haste.

At first, May had inferred that the mysterious squeaking was the result of ‘off the peg shoes’ favoured by certain members of the Labour Party. Corbyn quickly retaliated by suggesting that the source of the noise, was in fact the collective cacophony of strained smiles cracking. In reality, the evidence overwhelmingly confirmed that the offending dissonance was fervent turd-polishing, amongst policy writers.

With the Brexit blueprint weeks away from being showcased, it was also intimated within the notes, that May had turned to Ikea to advise her. Not only have Sweden successfully avoided the Euro, they are famously acclaimed for their strong cabinets. Allegedly, Derren Brown has also been consulted, for support delivering Brexit to its expectant audience.