Monkey News

Santa’s end of year review puts Theresa on The Naughty List

Loud foot stamping could be heard resonating through the Houses of Commons last night, after Father Christmas confirmed he wouldn’t be granting Theresa May anything on her Christmas Brexit wish list.

At twenty nine pages long, Theresa’s wish list appears to be too much work for Santa and it’s looking increasingly likely that Father Christmas will pass over Downing Street altogether.

There is wide speculation that May might actually be on the ‘Naughty List’. With austerity, imminent economic collapse and the hostile environment still in full operation, Santa doesn’t think Theresa has been a ‘good little girl’ at all.

Outraged at this prospect, May has decided to bypass Santa, calling upon the country to unite behind her wish list, assuring the people they will only be a bit worse off. Since this announcement, accident and emergency departments have seen a sharp rise in patients suffering with repetitive strain injuries, most commonly locked jaw from laughing too strenuously.

Reporters in the North Pole have confirmed that Father Christmas is unwilling to change his stance on May. In fact he has upset her further by saying that Corbyn was near the top of the ‘Nice List’ and he was thinking of getting him a country for Xmas.

In response, Downing Street have taken the unprecedented step of seeking guidance from The Three Wise Men. Unfortunately, the tightening of the new immigration laws has meant that they were unable to assist at this time.

 

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