Month: November 2018

Jose Mourinho Removes His Foil Lined Hat and Shares His Newest Conspiracy Theories

After revealing the shocking truth this week that 37-year-old FC Porto substitute Iker Casillas was behind a plot to oust David De Gea from the Spanish national team, Manchester United boss Jose Mourinho has gone even further, revealing that Iker is behind a number of plots to undermine his excellent work at Old Trafford. Continue reading “Jose Mourinho Removes His Foil Lined Hat and Shares His Newest Conspiracy Theories”

RIP – Prince Philip, Greece’s greatest cabbie

His Royal Highness, The Duke Of Edinburgh, has passed away, aged 97. Deadpool players in offices across the country finally have their man.

A stalwart at Her Majesty The Queen’s side throughout the decades, he was always there when a tactless, snidey, occasionally racist put down was required. Continue reading “RIP – Prince Philip, Greece’s greatest cabbie”

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are set to start their family life on a ‘popular’ estate in Hastings

East Sussex County Council have revealed that the new home, of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. is a two-bed maisonette on a ‘popular’ estate in Hastings. It’s situated within handy walking distance of the seafront, local shops, major bus routes and there’s a thriving nursery around the corner. It comes with it’s own car-parking.

Charles Boniface said, “It’s a great honour for Sussex, to have Royalty living amongst us. The Prince was very clear that he wanted to live amongst his people.” Continue reading “The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are set to start their family life on a ‘popular’ estate in Hastings”

Chelsea have big plans for Morata

In spite of the largely derisive atmosphere surrounding the lanky Spanish forward, Chelsea FC have revealed this week that they not only plan to keep faith with him, but that they have big plans for their all-time record signing.

After his horror miss against Bosnia while on international duty, Sarri was quick to leap to the forwards defence, “Look, it’s not easy to score from four yards, you have to really be able to control your legs. Some strikers can do this, some have other qualities, Alvaro is great, he always tidies up after himself and he’s very polite.” Continue reading “Chelsea have big plans for Morata”

God blames his own readers for his self-help book’s falling sales

The author of two bestselling self-help books has said his own readers are to blame for a decline in sales of his products as they have been taking some of his stories way too seriously.

Pan-dimensional deity God’s first book, The Old Testament, charts the adventures of an omniscient benefactor who impulsively decides to build a universe in under a week, and then spends the rest of recorded time trying to get the creatures in it to stop fucking things up for themselves. Continue reading “God blames his own readers for his self-help book’s falling sales”

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