Month: November 2018

Scottish Fitba sells television rights for 4 pints of Heavy, 3 sausage rolls and packet of Cheese and Onion crisps

Scottish fans were outraged when details of the latest fitba deal were announced. TV Sports giant, Sly, bought the tv rights to all Scottish League and Cup Fitba after a particularly long and heavy session in the Hey Pal pub in Glasgow’s East End.

Fitba fans across the nation feel their fitba has been demeaned and devalued by this cut price deal. Ginger Macreadie said “Aye, I ken we’re shite but we shuld a held oot for tattie scone.” Continue reading “Scottish Fitba sells television rights for 4 pints of Heavy, 3 sausage rolls and packet of Cheese and Onion crisps”

Ofsted accuse school of letting children down by trying to teach them something

A school in Birkenhead this week has come under fierce scrutiny after Ofsted inspectors, found that the Robbie Fowler Academy had only been formally testing its pupils four, and sometimes as few as three, times per week per subject. Continue reading “Ofsted accuse school of letting children down by trying to teach them something”

Gwyneth and her company, Gloop, win The Nobel Prize for sciencing

The world of science and academia was stunned when the Nobel Prize for sciencing was awarded to Gwyneth Paltrow and her company, Gloop. The prize was awarded for their improvements to the scientific process, by making stuff up and not testing it to see if it works.

Many in sciencing thought the prize would go to someone who actually practiced scientific methodology, contributed to the greater good, and added to humanity’s body of knowledge. Continue reading “Gwyneth and her company, Gloop, win The Nobel Prize for sciencing”

Mother Theresa May continues to pray for a miracle as the Devil tests the Brexit Faithful

Sympathy is beginning to mount for the gathering misfortune faced by Mother Theresa May.

As she wanders through the hallowed halls of Westminster, she remains devout in her mission to convert anyone who will listen, to her Brexit bible. Continue reading “Mother Theresa May continues to pray for a miracle as the Devil tests the Brexit Faithful”

RIP – Sir Cliff Pritchard India’s greatest rocker

High profile singer, Christian and bachelor, Sir Cliff Pritchard, has passed away, aged 78.

The singer, whose natural audience all died some thirty to forty years ago, continued to publish dreadful music until his untimely death. Music journalists have redefined the word “untimely” especially for Sir Cliff, to mean “at least twenty-five years too late.” Continue reading “RIP – Sir Cliff Pritchard India’s greatest rocker”