A new report today provides conclusive proof that British schools are severely overfunded, syphoning off crucial funds that could be used for the maintenance of roundabouts, the launching of a new RAF battle-zeppelin and the paying of wankers in green spectacles to come up with snappy slogans. Continue reading “Overfunded school has too many glue sticks”
A week has passed and the world has scarcely recovered from the shock of Salah United’s appalling collapse against Red Star Belgrade. This was the Champions League’s greatest upset since Manchester United’s stunning triumph against Young Boys of Bern, in the first round of matches. Continue reading “Outrage in Liverpool when Milner picks blue over red causing his team to lose, the silly tosser”
The Chatty Chimp is proud to help raise funds for this year’s Children-in Tweed appeal.
Every year thousands of middle and upper class children are missing out, as their parents are unable to avoid bespoke tailored tweed suits. This leaves the children at risk of bullying, exclusion and ridicule from their Peer group. Continue reading “Help us raise money for this year’s Children in Tweed appeal”
National embarrassment of a rail company, Southern Fail, have regretfully announced that because of leaves on the line, train travellers can expect a continued programme of misery, despair and all around crappiness.
This weeks excuse is because of the unexpected arrival of autumn. Continue reading “Southern Fail regret to announce two months of delays and cancellations due to the unexpected arrival of autumn”
This week Wayne Rooney will take a break from slaying the North American Soccer League (aka ‘Sunshine Meadows Retirement Home for the Slightly Too Slow to Play in Europe’) and return to the land in which he made his name.
This is, of course, in order to celebrate his international highlights; getting sent-off against Portugal and performing shambolically over a succession of major tournaments. Continue reading “As Wayne Rooney wends his way to his retirement home the FA lines up a grand finale”