Month: November 2018

PM Furious as plot to leak the Brexit timetable foiled, after leaked notes detailing the planned leak are leaked

Fears rose amongst the Tory party, as an indistinguishable piercing sound could be heard, echoing deep within the bowels, of the PM’s Office, in the House of Commons. The cunning plan to leak key Brexit details to the press, have themselves, been cunningly leaked. Continue reading “PM Furious as plot to leak the Brexit timetable foiled, after leaked notes detailing the planned leak are leaked”

RIP Arron Banksit fearless Brexiteer, interesting business man and top insurance seller

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Today all England grieves for the loss of this fearless Brexiteer, ruthless money maker and top insurance policy seller five years running. Proving if you want something bad enough there’s nothing you won’t do to get there. Continue reading “RIP Arron Banksit fearless Brexiteer, interesting business man and top insurance seller”

Gary Neville finally admits Spurs might have gotten a bit better

After his claim on Monday night that Spurs have ceased to be quite the weak, spineless, cowardly, pathetic, gutless, submissive, pusillanimous, yellow-bellied, irresolute, chicken-hearted side they have been for “the last 30 years”, Gary Neville has gone on to make another shocking admission that strikes at the heart of everything we have thought to be true; things change over time. Continue reading “Gary Neville finally admits Spurs might have gotten a bit better”

Department of Health launches D-I-Y Home Operation Kits

Matt Hancock, Secretary of State for Health, has announced that the British People need to take responsibility for their own health, as the burden on the National Health Service  is too great and needs reducing, before it’s sold off to The Americans.

With this in mind the DoH have released a series of App based D-I-Y Home Operation kits, which will allow hard working families to take full responsibility for their health, their treatment and their clinical outcomes. Continue reading “Department of Health launches D-I-Y Home Operation Kits”

Shammond says austerity is over as CEO’s see an 11% increase in pay

A spontaneous wave of exaggerated thigh slapping, caused mass uproar in the House of Commons, as Phillip Hammond announced that his budget plans might have to be adapted, if a no deal was reached in Brexit negotiations.

One Tory back bencher complained that the unprecedented noise not only woke him up but triggered a tinnitus flare up too. Such impromptu displays of ‘‘working class’ behaviour, were met with a restorative wave of tutting and booing. Continue reading “Shammond says austerity is over as CEO’s see an 11% increase in pay”