HMV’s administrators have come up with a cunning plan to help save the beleaguered retail chain. With the assistance of the Government, HMV will now be selling gongs, medals, peerages, £14 Million Ferrying contracts and Ministerial access.
Ian Napton, of VR Administrators, explained, “We had the idea when the story broke about the government selling off peerages to try and get Theresa May’s Brexit deal through Parliament.” Continue reading “HMV’s Grift Voucher Scheme will sell peerages, financial favours, ferrying contracts and government influence as part of a daring rescue plan”
Widespread confusion is engulfing the country, in the aftermath of Christmas, as people struggle to come to terms with reality. Millions have been spotted wandering the streets aimlessly, glassy-eyed, with slightly jaundiced complexions.
Alarming issues, such as not knowing the day of the week and having empty food cupboards, save for a discarded Christmas cake and stale undercooked turkey, have thrown the nation off balance. The most puzzling question is; Can we crack out the alcohol at nine in the morning? Continue reading “For Auld Lang’s Syne, one more beer won’t hurt”
With 2019 around the corner, details of life post-Brexit are emerging.
From 30 March, Britain will be moving back to the much less complicated 240 pence and 20 shillings to the pound approach to money. Guineas, two bob bits, sixpences and farthings will all be making a comeback, replacing the hideous European 100 pence to the pound idea which Brits have had so much trouble coping with over the last 48 years. Continue reading “Hers’s to a very Happy New Year Everyone, have a wonderful 1956”
It’s gala awards season, and last night the award winning Flowry Hotel played host to the Pointless Awards Award Ceremony.
These awards recognise those who work so tirelessly, to come up with completely meaning-less awards, simply so advertisers can label companies, businesses and products as Award Winning. Continue reading “The Pointless Awards Ceremony – Valuing the valueless”
Dr Liam Fuchs is delighted to announce the completion of an Anglo- American trade deal to secure the free exchange of swear words.
This deal secures loads of jobs in northern marginal constituencies, where the use of swear words has a rich cultural heritage. Continue reading “Dr Fuchs announces that the Anglo-American swear word trade deal is ‘fu**ing done’”
In answer to the question: What do you get the man who has everything? the answer is the county of Hampshire.
As his family sat around the dinner table, wondering what to get the Pater Familias for this Yuletide season, one of the younger members suggested giving him a county. Continue reading “Jacob Rees-Mogg gets Hampshire for Xmas”