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Theresa May writes to Sir Graham saying she no longer has any confidence in herself

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House of Commons
Office of The Prime Minister
Theresa May
10 Downing Street
London
SW1A 2AA
To: Sir Graham Brady MP
Chair 1922 Committee
House of Commons
London
SW1A 0AA

 

Dear Sir Graham,

It is with a tremendous sense of relief I write to you, to express my complete lack of confidence in myself.

As you know I’ve been running the country for the last couple of years, with absolutely no help and support from my own party. That twat, Pig-Fucker Cameron, saddled me with this Brexit shit before he siddled off to put his trotters up.

At first I thought this would be very straightforward. My ‘friends’ Gove, Johnson, Farrage, Rees-Mogg, Davis, Fox, etc all told me it would a piece of cake and that the EU needs us more than we need them but the bastards were lying.

They didn’t even let me in on their little hedge fund caper, either. Now they have all resigned and seem to spend all day telling everyone what a crap job I’m doing, and how I’m, a traitor caving into the EU.

Well, I thought I’d done very well when I called a cabinet meeting and everyone said “Well done Theresa” just before they walked out and resigned. It appears I was wrong.

The problem has been made worse as I seem to be running out of ministers. We were scraping the barrel before they started resigning. I mean, David Davis and Dominic Raab, really? I wouldn’t have let them run a whelk stall. Now look at the complete nonentities I’ve to appoint as  replacements, not mention having to reappoint a minister who misled the house.

I’m more convinced than ever, that a successful Brexit is just a pipe dream. After two years of this shit I’ve to admit I’ve made a real balls up of it. I find that I’ve no more confidence in myself, and so I’m adding my name to the list of those who also have no confidence in me.

It was necessary to take this dramatic step, as it appears you have not yet got the 48 letters you need to get me the hell out of here and this is my only way out.

Yours Sincerely

Theresa May

 

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