Prime Minister Theresa May has completed the apocalyptic online gameplay of Fallout 76 on her Xbox One to the shock discovery that it was in fact real-life Britain she was fucking with.
May, 62, made the discovery when things didn’t stop getting worse even though she had wreaked all the destructive chaos in her formidable, spidery arsenal.
‘What a Juggins I am! I absolutely owned Call of Duty and Red Dead Redemption – going to a girls’ grammar school was perfect preparation for that. I’ve always loved the Fallout franchise is it perfectly represents my vision for a Britain of radioactive mutants and also because the graphics are excellent. But maybe the virtual reality was a little too good in this case.’
May, who in a final flourish of strategic genius brought troops back onto the streets of Britain and closed down the food supply chain to starve all of the remaining zombies to death, said she had no regrets.
‘To be honest, it’s easy to confuse Brexit Britain with survival games. One is a completely futile campaign of megalomaniac dominance and destruction in which you ruthlessly eliminate enemies and innocent bystanders alike. And the other is… well, you get the point.’
Jeremy Corbyn was stabbing himself with a zombie knife in a pool of nuclear sewage and was unable to comment.