Monkey News

Audiences are unhappy with Theresa May’s performance as the Unprincipled Boy in The Palace of Westminster Xmas Panto

Pantomime season was in full swing at The Palace of  Westminster Theatre as the audience cried out “Nobodies behind you”.

With multiple players vying for election to the role of Unprincipled Boy in the Brexit shit-show, Mother’s Goosed, May gave her best dramatic performance yet.

Cast as the misunderstood evil Stepmother, May shone, as she pleaded earnestly with her mirror, “Who is the most loved in all the land?”. Gary Lineker came the reply. “Noooo, that can’t be right, I’ve delivered the will of the people, they must love me” she cried.

Rees-Mogg was especially resplendent as the Big Bad Wolf, honing in on the scent of any rebellious rebels and threatening to cut off their funding. He showed his fangs, with aplomb, but by the end of the show it turned out he had no teeth.

Corbyn put on a convincing act, as Snow Whiter than White but struggled in the role as he was constantly upstaged by his merry band of dwarves, singing “Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho, to Downing Street you won’t go“. He kept missing his cue and fluffing his lines. Ultimately, no one believed he’d be able to defeat the Wicked Witch of the Rich.

Cast as the rear end of a cow, Bojo wooed the audience with his characteristic hot air and bullshit.

Overall the audience said it had all the mayhem and anarchy of a pantomime but it was a very second rate production that satisfied no-one.

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