Monkey Life

Couple’s rejuvenated sex-life ruined when their son comes home from university

Ian and Gillian Napton were devastated when their son, Oliver, came home from University for the Xmas holidays.

When their pride and joy left the nest, for a three year degree course in Livestock Management at Aberystwyth University, they were naturally disappointed. However, their sadness was short lived once they discovered the joy of having an empty house.

The couple said, “It was the complete sense of freedom, it was like we were twenty again. Before we knew it we were at it all the time. We did it in every room in the house, and Gillian could scream like a banshee, there was no one to over hear.”

The pleasure in the empty house and the endless supply of little blue pills has thoroughly rejuvenated their sex life, they were soon banging for Britain.

I felt like I was beautiful again, a desirable woman rather than a mother, I also discovered I was a bit of a dirty girl. Isn’t Pornhub educational? I’ve had to get a new cupboard just for the lingerie.” explained Gillian.

It was naughty, we did it on the kitchen table, I did that thing he likes while he watched The Grand Tour was on, we even used the garden shed. We even did it in the little shits bedroom, just because we could.”

However, these revels were shattered by the arrival of Oliver, complete with the bags of washing and a passion for socialism.

Asked about his parents re-discovered youth, “That’s disgusting, my parents don’t have sex. They are old, yuk, don’t talk about it.” he said before locking himself in the bathroom and taking another very long shower.

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