Monkey News

Hers’s to a very Happy New Year Everyone, have a wonderful 1956

With 2019 around the corner, details of life post-Brexit are emerging.

From 30 March, Britain will be moving back to the much less complicated 240 pence and 20 shillings to the pound approach to money. Guineas, two bob bits, sixpences and farthings will all be making a comeback, replacing the hideous European 100 pence to the pound idea which Brits have had so much trouble coping with over the last 48 years.

Petrol will once again be sold by the gallon rather than new-fangled litres and cheese will be available in pounds and ounces instead of grams and kilos. We will see an end to base 10 numerical system in use around the world, which is so complicated and unpopular.

And it’s not just these obvious improvements which will once again put smiles on the faces of plucky Brits. Without interference from meddling bureaucrats in Brussels, we’ll once again be permitting teachers to beat small children with sharp sticks and make them play games in their underwear.

Before we know it, it’ll feel like 1956 and Britain will be a happier, even more intolerant, society, once again.

To commemorate the day, The Daily Mail will be giving away mini Union Jacks, The Daily Express will be giving away posters of Diana, The Queen and Lady Di, and The Sun will be giving away all suggestion of national integrity with every word it prints.

Happy New Year. Brexit continues.

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