Monkey Business

The Pointless Awards Ceremony – Valuing the valueless

It’s gala awards season, and last night the award winning Flowry Hotel played host to the Pointless Awards Award Ceremony.

These awards recognise those who work so tirelessly, to come up with completely meaning-less awards, simply so advertisers can label companies, businesses and products as Award Winning.

Ian Napton explained, “Obviously, the work of generating pointless awards is essential to the wider community. We’re working at least two hours a day to raise awareness of the dangers of buying non award-winning products or services. Without us, the general public is at risk of buying goods and services based on whether or not something actually works.”

One Northern business man said, “Winning on of these awards will have absolutely no effect on my business, and I’m damned if I’m going to pay some fatuous hipster to get me an award I don’t even want. It’s all a con.”

There was some controversy when the RoBsU Bank lost out on an excellence in banking award to The Bank of Spank. Jack Claxton said, “We’d bribed the organisers, and everything, we can’t understand how we lost.”

The highlight of the evening was the presentation of The Pointless Awards Award, presented for excellence in promoting Pointless Awards. It went to It’s All Bollocks Ltd, for their work on the Laser Pointer of the Year Award, The National Pig Award and the award for The Best Non-Alcoholic Crisp.

We don’t want to say too much but one On-line satirical newspaper is favourite to win next year’s Best Primate Produced Periodical, fingers crossed.

The Chatty Chimp is owned and operated by Chattychimp Ltd