Claims that standards of competence for MP’s have declined have been strongly rebuffed in a statement from parliamentary spokesperson, Ian Napton.

Chris Grayling, the Transport Secretary, has been cited as an example of a ‘decline’ in ‘standards of competence’ within the House. This is simply nonsense.”

“The House takes a very strong view on getting caught and if someone is caught we will  do everything we can to pretend they have done nothing wrong. “

“Once upon a time an MP may been removed from their position for failing to run their department or mis-leading the house but things have changed, in the 21st century. As this government has shown, there is no need to remove someone from their post simply on grounds of absolute and total incompetence or their inability to run a railroad.”

Asked what would be required for a ministerial resignation Mr Napton was very clear, “Knowingly mis-leading the house may earn a couple of months holiday. Sexual harassment and abuse of women would warrant a loud tutting and a bit of a hard stare but as soon as we need to fix a vote we’d be happy to allow them to carry on. There’d be a quiet chat with anyone caught money-laundering or insider dealing and we’d have to ask them not to get caught again. That’s about it really.”

Asked to comment on Mr Grayling’s future, Ian said, “He’s got nothing to worry about. He doesn’t come anywhere near our threshold of incapability for his role. Whilst he may not understand the term ‘due diligence’ or why you don’t give shipping contracts to companies with no boats, his brain is presumed to still be technically functioning. How was he to know his mate wasn’t to trusted?”