Monkey News

EU to clarify Theresa’s Withdrawal Agreement by speaking slowly and loudly

Following repeated visits, by Theresa May, to Brussels to try and find some clarification of The Withdrawal Agreement the EU has agreed to try and help.

One EU spokesperson said, “The EU are not going to re-negotiate the agreement. It has been a long torturous process, made all the more difficult by us sticking to all the points we clearly set out as non-negotiable 2 years ago. We are not doing it again. Always Theresa is coming back with, can we change this? can we change that? Well, NO YOU CAN’T.”

He went on to add that, “Although the negotiations were conducted in English, it appears we have been speaking a different language. Therefore the commission, following discussion with linguistic experts, have decided the agreement can be clarified by speaking very slowly and loudly. Much like an English tourist in Europe. We hope this will lead to a break through in understanding.

The EU have also confirmed that they’ve produced a set of idiotgrams, large scale pencil drawings that can be crayoned in as an aid to understanding the more complex parts of the deal.

It’s thought that one of the principles illustrations is a map of Ireland which can be coloured Green, to show it is a completely different country and not, as many in Government seem to believe an English County with nice golf courses.

The EU have released the text of the clarification, “SIGN IT, DON’T SIGN IT, WE DON’T CARE ANYMORE.”

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