Modern women everywhere are in a permanent state of confusion, suffering the January blues, whilst wondering which unrealistic New Year’s resolution to plumb for.

With mixed media messages thrown at them daily, many are weighing up whether to embrace themselves, join the gym, chime gongs in a Himalayan retreat or sack it all off and binge watch Luther, with a massive bar of Galaxy.

As post Christmas malaise sets in, new women are grimacing in unison, at the unfettered shit-storm that 2019 is bringing – a precarious home/work balance, whinging children, being perpetually overdrawn and  only the prospect of a wet week in Wales to break the monotony.

Many have sought solace in overpriced gyms, only to instantly regret the decision, when faced with the onslaught of the sanctimonious, skinny lycra-clad brigade.

In a bid to simply accept her post Christmas body, Gillian Napton impulsively splurged on cut price lingerie, only to find that she had in fact invested £35 on an outfit which was predominantly bin-bag, with a hint of Grandma’s doilies. Feeling mislead she mused ‘I guess the model was 100% younger than me and 150% more airbrushed.’

With Easter on the distant horizon, numerous ladies are holding out for socially acceptable all day chocolate binging, to restore their inner-harmony.