Monkey News

Social services are delighted after hearing that Russell Brand doesn’t bother looking after his children

The Department of Social Services have made a statement about Russell Brand and his child rearing practices. This is in response to the media coverage of an interview Russell gave, where he admitted he doesn’t look after his children.

Gavin Williams, spokesperson for the Department, explained, “We are quite delighted. We were concerned that the children were at real risk of long term psychological damage if left in the care of Mr Brand but now we know he has not been alone with them for more than a couple of hours at a time, we are sure they will be ok.”

The admission that his wife does all the child care, whilst he sits around contemplating the eternal verities, yogasizing and enjoying moment of intense self-pleasure, has caused some controversy on social media.

Defenders of Russell Brand claimed that ordinary people didn’t understand the path the Guru was on, and that the Buddha didn’t bother himself with mundane earthly tasks so why should he? Apparently the great unwashed don’t understand what it is like being an international media superstar.

International Media Superstar, Ian Napton said, “That’s a load of dingo’s kidneys. He’s just a lazy bastard who can’t be bothered to do the mundane boring stuff as it’s beneath him. He should watch The Karate Kid, if he wants to find enlightenment. 

Meanwhile, as the man centred debate runs on, there was little thought given to Mrs Brand, who has the unfortunate job of sleeping with hirsute, narcissistic, egotist and to whom we extend our sympathies.

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