Month: February 2019

Do you have an affinity with the written word? A liking for a joke? Fancy seeing your work published? Then, come and join an infinite number of monkeys working on their Hamlet scripts

Old fashioned writing machine

We are an online, topical, poo flinging satirical news site, looking to carve out our little niche on the internet. We write stories about everyday life in the Monkey House.

One of our aims is to give new writers a platform to have their work published. To urge funny people to put finger to keyboard, in 250 words or less, and tell us something we hadn’t thought of.  Continue reading “Do you have an affinity with the written word? A liking for a joke? Fancy seeing your work published? Then, come and join an infinite number of monkeys working on their Hamlet scripts”

Southern Rail to be more accurately renamed as Southern Buses

Southern Rail replacement bus service

In a refreshing burst of honesty Southern Rail has decided to rebrand itself as Southern Buses.

Company Spokesman, Ian Napton explained, “It’s more reflective of our operation and how it works. We run far more buses than trains, the fact that we are charging full train fares for a bus journey makes it an immensely profitable business for us.” Continue reading “Southern Rail to be more accurately renamed as Southern Buses”

An earthquake measuring 3.6 on the Richter Scale caused terror and panic in Surrey as house prices fell sharply

Earthquake send house prices plummeting in Surrey

An earthquake measuring 3.6 on the Richter Scale caused house prices to shake in Surrey, this morning.

Ian Napton, an estate agent and resident of Newdigate, was woken unexpectedly at 3.42am as £50,000 was temporarily wiped off the value of his house. “I just had time to start calculating the cost of lost commissions for the business when the house stopped shaking.” Continue reading “An earthquake measuring 3.6 on the Richter Scale caused terror and panic in Surrey as house prices fell sharply”

Brexit Referendum, part 2; Are you sure? Are you really, really sure? Absolutely 100%, no take-backs sure that you still want to leave?

Demand grows for a second referendum

Number 10 has conceded that a second referendum may be needed to sort out the dog’s breakfast that is Brexit. Although this is a climb down, sources close to the Prime Minister have let it be known that she is keener on the idea than she is letting on.

Government aide, Ian Napton, said, “When TM became PM, she was confident she could blame the public when it all went wrong but she’s somehow cocked it up and let the public off scott free. It should have been a doddle to say, ‘well look, you voted for this’, but she made a Horlicks of it all and is shouldering the blame. Continue reading “Brexit Referendum, part 2; Are you sure? Are you really, really sure? Absolutely 100%, no take-backs sure that you still want to leave?”

Consternation in the classroom as a child completes their half-term project, unaided

Brainy student in class

School staff were left speechless, when they discovered that one of their pupils had completed their half term project independently.

Unsure how to respond appropriately, teachers were initially cautious, at this bizarre turn of events. Mother of three, Gillian Napton, broke the silence by confessing, ‘Look, I know it’s a pile of shite but it will have to do. My sanity is in shreds and my ears are bleeding, from having to tame these feral beasts for a week.’ Continue reading “Consternation in the classroom as a child completes their half-term project, unaided”

Chelsea’s use of Theresa May as goal keeping coach, spectacularly back-fires in The League Cup Final

Kapa is kaput

Maurizio Sarri, famous for his unusual methods, may have gone a step too far, with the appointment of British Prime Minister, Theresa May as Chelsea’s goal keeping coach. 

Having signed Kepa Arrizabalaga for a world record fee, Sarri was keen to develop the mental side of the young keeper’s game.
Continue reading “Chelsea’s use of Theresa May as goal keeping coach, spectacularly back-fires in The League Cup Final”

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