Monkey News

Seaborne Freight turns to Somali Pirates for help manning their non-existent fleet

Disquiet about Chris Grayling’s favourite ferry company, Seaborne Freight, continues as they announce plans to hire Somali Pirates.

With real ferry companies recruiting extra staff in order to deal with the Post Brexit freight shipping bonanza, there’s now a significant labour shortage.

Coincidently, faced with a downturn in the pirate trade, following the success of a major Hollywood Movie, The Pirates wanted to utilise their transferable skills and increase income from other sources.

Seaborne Freight’s Resource Director, Ian Napton, explained, “It’s really a match made in heaven. We need staff who know how to ‘acquire’ and sail boats and they need the income. It’s a cut throat business, this sailing lark.”

Under the plan, The Somali Pirates expect to ‘acquire’ the company’s first boat, The Spirit of Britain, in a daring night raid, from P&O Ferries.

Mr Grayling’s spokesperson confirmed that, this time, they had done due diligence, and yes, they were real pirates. “We’re not getting caught like that again.”

Mr Napton was quick to address concerns about some of the cultural differences that employing Somali Pirates  may bring, “Yes, we’ve covered that, we’ve got the cannon, extra cutlasses, a consignment of parrots and a job lot of planks from B&Q, they’re all good to go.”

Meanwhile, Cornish Pirates were unhappy, with what they see as their jobs being outsourced to foreign competition but consoled themselves by saying, “Ooooh  Ahhh Jim lad, well, at least it ain’t the French.

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