The Monkey Graveyard

RIP Sir Christopher Chode* MP a stalwart fighter for traditional Victorian values

Britain sadly lost one of it’s most passionate and vocal advocates for Victorian Values and Women’s Rights.

Few have gone further in protecting the legacy of women as property, than Sir Christopher Chode MP. A political titan, described as a man for whom the 20th Century never happened, a resolute upholder of tradition and defender of outdated modes of thought.

Politically he defended his outdated views by voting against, or blocking measures, on same-sex marriage, the pardoning of Alan Turing, capping of hospital car-parking charges for carers, legal protection for police animals, vulture funds exploitation of poor countries, additional oversight of mental health units, et al. He supported the death-penalty, conscription and banning the burqa. A compassionate humanitarian, it’s  a surprise he was never canonised.

However, it was on women’s issues that he really made his name.

Much to the dismay of his party leader, he blocked a bill making it illegal to take unsolicited pictures of a woman’s nether regions. Many were surprised he hadn’t introduced a bill to ensure curvy table legs remained covered at all times.

He caused further controversy by blocking a proposal to outlaw Female Genital Mutilation on more than one occassion. One wonders what the great man was thinking that caused him to decide to block this measure, when this barbaric practice was being discussed. Table legs probably.

Known for his frugality, he ensured the tax-payer received value for money by, in 2009, only claiming £136,992 in expenses, which must have given a crumb of comfort to his servants. The country acknowledges the valuable sacrifice he made, during the Tory austerity everyone else had to live with.

Dying after choking on his own bile, it’s unlikely that we will see his like again. Although his ideological offspring, Tommy Robinson, seems to be making a good fist of it.

Our sympathies go to his wife.

*Meaning of Chode/Choad

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