Monkey Business

BT Broadband Helpline tells Mr Putin to unplug the internet and plug it back in again to see if that fixes it

It’s believed the Russian President, Mr Vladimir Putin, is regretting signing a deliver and supply contract with BT Broadband, for the Internet.

Problems began when the Internet started playing up and stopped showing him; funny videos about cute animals, movies starring big muscly oiled men in tight jeans fixing household appliances or pictures of food and drink. He was also unable to log into his favourite influencer’s account; Sophie from Milton Keynes was doing a special on how to blag luxury hotel rooms by offering free blow jobs.

Mr Putin called BT and explained the problem, Ian Napton from the Despot and Dictators Helpline, explained there was a glitch in The Matrix and the only way to fix it was to turn The Internet off and on again.

This suggestion was not well received. Mr Putin explained, “We rely heavily on a fully functional internet in order to meddle with world governments. How are we supposed to know Donald has done what I’ve told him to do, unless he keeps me updated on Twitter? It’s most inconwenient.”

He added, “I’ve referred the matter to Ofcom and if they don’t sort this out sharpish, someone is going to find themselves dining at Zizzi’s in Salisbury.”

It’s expected the shut down and reboot will take 24 hours to complete and national governments will have to run themselves for a day. You have been warned.

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