Monkey Games

EFL make it illegal to look at footballers prancing about, whilst wearing a trackie

The EFL has finally announced its sanction for Leeds United on charges that they broke EFL rule 87b – “doing something that isn’t illegal but which could be in other circumstances.” resulting in a £200k fine and a rule change.

Simon Sharpe, speaking on behalf of the EFL, announced the new sanction, “We don’t want to see this happening again, not in our leagues. You can’t have people looking through fences, but it’s not just fences we’re worried about. Our tough new rule prevents people in official club trackies from looking over walls and rummaging through bins for tossed out scraps of tactical analysis.”

Other rules coming into forces include the ‘No Look Rule’ that bans any club in the EFL from talking about, commenting or alluding to any other club. Sharpe explained, “From now on if a club wants to discuss their next opponent in a press conference they shall refer to them as The Opponent. Any team found to be watching, analysing or talking about The Opponent shall be docked a minimum of eleven points and publically shamed on national television.”

Asked whether the EFL had any plans to combat racism or cowboy owners ruining their clubs, Sharpe said, “We take a very hard line on racism, we’ve  told all clubs they shouldn’t do any racism or we’ll be bloody annoyed, and of course if any irresponsible owner wants to come in, say, to Notts County, ruin the club and then post a picture of his gonads on Twitter, then, well! we won’t be looking at them, that’s for sure.

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