Month: March 2019

Euro 2020 allows useless teams in but there’s still no room for Scotland

European Championships Wall Chart

In the wake of hugely productive talks over the creation of an unfathomably brilliant 48-team World Cup, allowing space for sporting giants such as Azerbaijan, Lithuania and Bhutan, plans are afoot for a further expansion of the European Championships.

UEFA press guru, Dr Darren Devine, was on hand to unveil the scheme; “In 2016 we took a crucial step forward, moving from 16 to 24 teams. It’s only logical now that we move to the next stage in our evolution – 54 teams.” Continue reading “Euro 2020 allows useless teams in but there’s still no room for Scotland”

MP’s to vote on what to call Theresa’s Withdrawal Act

Withdrawal Act

Theresa May brings her Withdrawal Act back to Parliament for the third time. The Speaker, John Bercow has told her she can only bring it back if it’s substantively different.

Following a late night strategy planning session with Baldric, she has come up with a cunning plan. Instead of voting for the whole package in one go, Parliament will be asked to vote on it in stages, making it significantly different. That way no-one will notice it’s the same thing. Continue reading “MP’s to vote on what to call Theresa’s Withdrawal Act”

Petition to replace with Theresa May with NZ PM, Jacinda Arden, tops 20 Million signatures

Jacinda Ardern appeal

Following the record-breaking success of last week’s petition to the Government to revoke Article 50, the petitions website has crashed again.

Petitioner Ian Napton said, “I was caught up in the euphoria of so many millions of people venting against Brexit and thought I’d start a petition of my own.”

Continue reading “Petition to replace with Theresa May with NZ PM, Jacinda Arden, tops 20 Million signatures”

Scotland to get extra Bank Holiday to celebrate Euro20 success

Bank holiday as Scottish Refs reach final

Ian McNapton, Scotland’s Minister for Sport, has put forward a motion to make March 22nd a new Bank Holiday. Mr McNapton was trying to restore the nation’s morale after the side’s disastrous performances in the recent Euro20 qualifying games.

Unfortunately, everyone who saw Scotland play thought, “Same shite, different day. This lot would manage to finish second in a game of Solitaire” Continue reading “Scotland to get extra Bank Holiday to celebrate Euro20 success”

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