A bunch of American lawyers looking for the next cash cow, found a study linking the use of talcum powder to an increased risk of cancer. This has resulted in several class action lawsuits, in the states, as cocaine users sue their dealers.
Meanwhile, British cocaine dealers have become paranoid and gone into a highly agitated tailspin, after it transpired that they may, also, face liability for failing to disclose cancer risks. This means customers were unable to make an informed choice.
Dealers are adept at disclosing cocaine’s health risks; “You won’t stop bouncing”, “Fry your brain like a monkey in a blender”, “You’ll be bangin all night long” and “One go on this and you’ll be invading Poland, before you know it”. Although users misinterpret these as the benefits of cocaine use.
It’s this failure to disclose the cancer risk of talcum powder that has got lawyers at Refunds 4 U all hot an sweaty. They are currently planning to sue their dealers, over this undisclosed health risk.
Ian Napton, a lawyer, said “I’ve been buying cocaine from Gary The Gear for the last five years and at no point did he disclose that there was a cancer risk, he never gave me a warning leaflet or got me to sign a disclaimer. He’s supposed to be ‘the expert’ its his responsibility to disclose the key facts so I can make an informed decision, its scandalous, I trusted him.”
Gary responded, “He’s had more snow than Val D’Isere, that one, He knew it was dangerous when he bought it. Just shows, you can never trust a f***ing lawyer, I don’t suppose my public liability is going to cover this one.”
Categories: Monkey Business