Monkey Business

Builders Merchants stunned when a woman knows exactly what she wants

Staff at a well known South London, Builders Merchants  were left dumbfounded yesterday. A woman entered the branch and knew exactly what she needed to buy.

Staff initially felt uncomfortable at the unusual turn of events. Her presence, immediately, doubled the IQ in the building and she appeared resistant to their ‘friendly banter.’

When asked if she wanted a skirting board ladder, or a long weight, she haughtily replied, ’No thank you, I’ll have a external pressure gauge and a filling loop.’

Ian Napton, feeling slightly thwarted, went on to offer the customer, some ‘tartan paint’. However, she retorted, ‘Yes please, I’ll have the English prick shade.’

Uneasy with these ripostes, Napton told us, ’I’m an ‘appy fella. I’ve got a sense of humour and that’s a good thing right? She must be on blob, that’s all.’

His bid to repair the conversation by mentioning he ‘only had two hours, twenty minutes left’ was curbed, with the counter, ‘Is that’s what’s left on your brain cell meter?’

Consequently, The Builders Merchants are offering all those affected by this distressing encounter, a team building breakfast at Wetherspoons, with unlimited hash browns and a year’s subscription to the Sunday Sport.


The origin of the Builders Merchants Story

Nothing complicated about this one, it’s based on a true story. Unfortunately modern life is still riddled with outdated male sexism. Please send my award for virtue signalling to my home address. 

We’ve written about male sexism before, noted here in one of our favourite stories; https://chattychimp.co/its-the-comments-men-make-about-my-tits-that-really-keeps-me-going-admits-lady-runner/

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