Margaret Thatcher Funeral processionMonkey News

Margaret Thatcher to be resurrected on Easter Sunday

Church of England officials are horrified at the Conservatives latest parliamentary bill; proposing to bring Easter forward, in a bid to resurrect Margaret Thatcher.

With hope fading fast for a satisfactory end to the Brexit shit-shamble, this radical plan seems the only option. The exhumation of the Iron Lady seems the only way to rekindle the belief of the Tory Faithful.

Forging ahead with the plan, a last supper for Theresa May, has been organised on March the 28th. Westminster sources claim that Judas Farage is returning to the fold, in exchange for; thirty pieces of silver, an Irish passport and an M.E.P pension.

Doubting Thomas Mogg refuses to believe in the party resurrection, without concrete evidence first or at least further investment in his Cayman Island tax havens.

With the Brexit of Discontent looming large for the nation, a séance has revealed that Margaret Thatcher is ready and willing to return to power.  She told the faithful, ‘where there is despair, may we bring hope.’ She has offered to promote unity by re-staging the sinking of the Belgrano but this time filling it with illegal immigrants.

Should this dramatic move fail, mediums have contacted C.S Lewis so humiliated M.Ps may escape to Narnia. Aslan will then return, with three other lions, to restore England’s Glory.

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