Month: April 2019

Googlesoft reveal Britain’s most common password is ‘Runbyc*%ts!’

Googlesoft password Runbyc*%ts!

Googlesoft have revealed Britain’s most common, and easily  guessable password. The winner is ‘Runbyc*%ts!’ which is being used by over 69% of IT users. 

The tech guys claim that using easily recognisable passwords makes it simple for hackers to gather personal data for nefarious purposes. They would like to point out that this is their job. Continue reading “Googlesoft reveal Britain’s most common password is ‘Runbyc*%ts!’”

UKIP cry “It isn’t fair when you make fun of us by quoting exactly what we said”

UKIP

UKIP have complained about their treatment by social, and mainstream media. They claim they’re being bullied, intimidated and made to look foolish by people quoting exactly what they said.

It’s not fair, people are being really mean to us. All we do is tell everyone exactly why we hate anyone who is a little bit different and before you know it, its all over social media and everyone is laughing at us. It’s very mean and hurtful.” said one kipper. Continue reading “UKIP cry “It isn’t fair when you make fun of us by quoting exactly what we said””

Facial recognition system fails to identify MPs, Lawyers & Estate Agents second face

facial recognition software

Following installation at major airports, train stations and ports, concerns have been raised at the higher than expected rate of recognition failure in automated face-reader security systems.

The system has a 99.9% success rate when analysing faces from any cultural or racial background and in various light settings. Initially the operators of the system were puzzled as to why a distinct group of people were being rejected by the scanners. Continue reading “Facial recognition system fails to identify MPs, Lawyers & Estate Agents second face”

What’s happened to Chris Grayling?

Where's Wally

Concern mounted about the Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling, after a reporter noticed that he hadn’t made a colossal cock-up in the last month.

The journalist, Ian Napton, broke the story ‘I was short of ideas the Sunday feature, and I did what I always do, went looking for details of Chris Grayling’s latest howler. There’s always one but this time there was nothing. I couldn’t find anything since he paid £40 million to run empty ferries to France and back. It was a concern, for a minute there I thought I’d have to do some proper work, then I realised this was the story.” Continue reading “What’s happened to Chris Grayling?”

Latest series of Tits and Dragons proves to be a ratings winner

Tits and Dragons

After an almost unbearable wait, fuelled by leaks, teasers and expensive publicity campaigns, Tits and Dragons is back on our TV screens.

Already, there has been much portentous talking, some boring monologues and a startling revelation of something everyone had already guessed. This will be endlessly discussed on Social Media, until everyone loses the will to live. Continue reading “Latest series of Tits and Dragons proves to be a ratings winner”

The Establishment is appalled to discover Ireland is not a British County

Irish Independence Day

Several members of The Cabinet, some MP’s and all of the national press were appalled to discover that Ireland was not a British County. The revelation that Ireland is a country in its own right has caused consternation in the corridors of power.

Ian Napton, Secretary for Anglo-Irish affairs explained, “This has come as a real shock. I’ve worked in Anglo-Irish affairs for the last ten years and I didn’t know. It was only when we were looking through some old papers, as part of the Brexit Backstop Plan, that we found out Ireland became fully independent from Britain in 1937. Did you know that we had a war with the Irish over their independence? We didn’t, it was a shock I can tell you.” Continue reading “The Establishment is appalled to discover Ireland is not a British County”

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