Toshitone Ltd has been valued, by The City, at £100 billion pounds. Investors are queuing up to give their money to the innovative car company, at its stock market launch.
Having revolutionised the funeral business, with their self driving hearses, and cornered the automated Pizza and Cocaine delivery market, things are on the up for the company.
Critics claim it’s ridiculous to invest in a company that’s traded for ten years and not made a penny in profit. They argue, Toshitone unveils expansion plans in order to cover up their flawed business model.
Ian Napton, a financial analyst, “It’s just a stupid idea. Who wants a self-driving hearse? People have gone mad.”
Having failed to learn from every financial scandal that has gone before, the public can’t wait to give their money to shysters and crooks.
Gav from Eastbourne was particularly keen “It’s Bitcoin all over again., you’ve got to get in early. When everyone buys the shares the price can only go up, I’m putting all my pension on it. If I sell when the price doubles, I can give up my shift on the Waitrose till.”
When asked if he’d made any money out of Bitcoin, he was keen to say he knows someone whose cousin made a fortune. He, himself, lost money hence the Waitrose gig.
Martin Lewis, the TV Money Expert, reportedly said “Jesus! Why do I bother”
The Origins of the Toshitone Story
It seems that all of the big tech firms, Uber, Twitter, Facebook etc go for years before they make any money. Some never do. Yet they attract fantastic valuations, as this Uber story shows; https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/Uber
Understanding the workings of high finance, which seems to defy basic logic is beyond the ken of this chimp.
We have commented on high finance before, as this story about a boost to M&S shares after a middle-aged man went on his annual shopping spree; https://chattychimp.co/M&S Shares