The Government are to soften their hard-line punishment of benefit claimants.
Benefit claimants faced serious financial penalties for minor infractions of the system. This led to people calling the Government some very nasty names. Stung by this criticism, and faced with a General Election, the cabinet have decided to relax the rules.
Using the cabinet’s wide range of experience, gathered whilst at public school, they have revised the benefit sanctions system. Officials will have a range of non-financial penalties available. These new measures will ensure claimants stop starving to death.
Small infractions will be dealt with by one of the following; 100 lines, a go on the naughty step, cleaning the office supervisors car, standing in the DWP window wearing a dunces cap, no TV for a week and definitely no pudding.
More serious punishments will include being alone with the geography teacher for an hour, a spot of fagging, six of the best and being made to run around the DWP car park in your underpants until you’re sick.
In the worst cases, Nanny will take Teddy away.
Accused of being out of touch, one minster said “That’s not true. These measures are harsh, but fair. We all went through them and they made us the over entitled achievers we are today. I do miss Teddy.”
Ian Napton, a claimant responded, “No pudding? Bah! I haven’t eaten for three days, as for the TV, it went months ago. Four of us are living on a potato a week. Running? I’d love to but I broke my back three years ago, and I can barely stand. They told me I was fit for work, who do they think I am, fucking Lazarus”
The Origins of the Punishment Sanctions Story
A man with a broken back killed himself after repeatedly, having his benefits cut. He was wrongly declared fit for work.
Our anger came when a DWP spokesperson said it was wrong to link suicide ‘solely to someone’s benefit claim’. Yes, but if they put it in their suicide note, its a pretty big clue.
We are not writing this with a political bias. Our aim would be to write the story, should it happen again, regardless of who is in power. It’s the fundamental responsibility of any government, to take better care of its people. Especially when they are in need our help.
It’s not the first time we have touched on this subject; https://chattychimp.co/2019/03/20/atos-declare-neanderthal-fit-work-2/. Yes, we know it is no longer ATOS. Same people doing the work, though.
Categories: Monkey News