While congratulations have poured in from around the world for the Duke and Duchess of Sussex on the birth of their son, the reaction at home has been low key by comparison.
Ian Napton, a commuter from Eastbourne and taxpayer, said, “This is going to cost the country money inevitably – money I’d rather see spent on making the railways work, the hospitals better funded, or even the potholes repaired in my street. I don’t really care about the Royals, if I’m honest. Princess Kate is quite pretty, I suppose. There’s no way that Hooray Henry of a husband of hers would have pulled her if he hadn’t been able to ask her if she fancied being the Queen.”
The new arrival, as yet without a name publicly, is, of course, unaware of the wider world. However, his cousin, Prince George, has been appointed as Royal Mentor to explain the concepts of limitless privilege and superiority complex, both of which he took to with ease as soon as he could say “King.”
The Government has welcomed the Royal birth, as these occasions usually take the spotlight and heat off their incompetence for a few days.
Meanwhile, Republicans everywhere are taking a little comfort from the fact that the new Royal has been born an American taxpayer, with no choice in the matter until he attains age 16.