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Woke parents disappointed following cancellation of the non-gendered carers Ovoid and Spoon race at non-competitive sports day

A controversial decision, relating to a school summer sports day, has vexed an enlightened  vegan couple.

Having successfully won their campaign to ban competitive children’s events, Olivia and Leaf Napton were outraged to discover the annual non-gendered Ovoid and Spoon race had been cancelled too.

With the round robin, group games system formally adopted for Highgate Primary’s School Sports Day, the headteacher, Mr Targett, felt that removing the parent’s race was ‘the logical next step.’

Irritated, the Napton’s quickly voiced their concerns ‘While Brabantia Dragonflower is far too delicate a spirit for competitive races, we feel she would benefit from watching us, her guardian spirit mentors, demonstrate our athletic capabilities.’

Exasperated, Mr Targett held firm in his conviction, that parent’s races are ‘a health, safety and privacy’ issue. He doesn’t want a repeat of last year’s fracas over Olivia’s braless running costume.

Parents were divided on its suitability with some claiming that ‘it was a public outrage’ that corrupted the minds of their little darlings. On the other hand some were clearly enjoying taking pictures to ensure that a record of Olivia’s ‘wild, unfettered spirit animal’ was preserved.

Unrepentant, the Napton’s feel they have been victimised over their lifestyle choices, ‘Our unrestrictive, hemp sarongs may have exposed a little flesh last year but we have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s those meat eaters, the consumption of dead flesh gives them very negative Chi, they can’t take the competition. They don’t like it when tantric vegans win.’

Another parent, who wished to remain anonymous retorted, ‘I couldn’t see a bloody thing, with hemp, hair and body parts flapping about everywhere. My wife wouldn’t let me look at the photos. It was clearly a conspiracy to promote their alternative lifestyle.’

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