As the right to be offended brigade swings into action the Government has announced that all Social Media posts require Police approval. The increasing number of people who have become upset after seeing something on the Internet has reached epidemic proportions.  

In order to meet the additional workload, The Police Service are diverting officers from proper police work, like catching; TV Licence dodgers, speeding footballers, Wetherspoon drinkers and the homeless. Now they will ensure that no-one is in the least bit offended by some asinine comment posted on social media.

Under the Executive Order any posts that are funny, satirical, mildly unpleasant, anti-Tory, anti-Brexit, upsetting to the overly sensitive or likely to cause a loud hurrumph! are to be banned. Criticism of Racists, Homophobes, Brexiteers, Nazi’s, Fascists, Milkshakes, the Religious, Conspiracy Theorists and the Government will result in prosecution under the newly proposed ‘Right to be a Jeremy Hunt’ law.

All new posts will have to be submitted for approval. The Thought Police will have 24 hours to consider the posts impact before issuing an approved/unapproved notice.

A first offence will result in the poster receiving a ‘frowny face emoji’. Repeat offenders will be sentenced to indefinite internment in a Government Approved, Re-Education Camp where they will undergo voluntary mental conditioning.

Defenders of the Right to Free Speech, who argued “you’re all taking social media too seriously” and “you’ll miss it when it’s gone” were told “to do one”.

Meanwhile Brexit continues….