Daily Mail Online science department discovers women have breasts

In a revelation that is set to rock the world of sciencing the Daily Mail Online’s (DMO) investigative researchers examined over 100,000 images of scantily clad women before announcing the outstanding discovery that women have breasts.

In a handy guide the Daily Mail then went on to create a taxonomy of breasts based on shape, size, sexiness, youthfulness, oldness, pre and post child birth, bikini clad and most crucially, it would appear, sagginess. They have made their catalogue available on their website, so the public can help with further research.

Ian Napton, Senior Sciencer at Credulous College, confirmed “This is an outstanding break-through in understanding women. We’ve long speculated that women had breast’s but these pictures confirm it. They appear to differ widely in structure, size and weight but do appear to be placed in an approximately symmetrical position on each side of the chest. The next stage is for sciencers to examine the breasts is greater detail, perhaps subjecting them to a physical examination.”

The DMO have asked the public to examine the breasts and using their comments section, tell the sciencers what they think about the breasts. This will help develop the breast classification system, providing a valuable resource to future generations. The research has been generously supported by several major fashion, cosmetic and lifestyle companies.