The sport of Rugby League faces an exciting new dawn with the arrival of a fresh face in the much-vaunted Presidential throne, none other than footballing genius and waistcoat innovator, Tony Adams.

Some may be sceptical over Adams’s knowledge and understanding of the sport, but Tony is quick to put such claims to bed; “I understand they use their hands and throw the ball around, which will take some getting used to as in football this is not often the done thing. I’ve also noticed that Rugby League players seem to be fucking huge, which is another difference that I have identified.”

Asked what he has to offer the world of Rugby League, Adams gave a clear and intelligent answer; “Yeah, not a lot. I’m quite tall, so if anyone around the office needs something off a high shelf, I’m pretty much the man for that. I’ve always been good at lifting, so any movement of furniture is going to be a strong point. I have experience, of course, in business. I’ve certainly visited businesses before and I looked up the word in the Oxford English, so I’m fairly confident that I’m all over the concept.”

As for his plans for the sport, Adams has already been quick to implement his ideas, “A lot of people try to talk down the sport or criticise it, we want to directly target these moaners with our ‘Piss off and leave us alone’ campaign that should be launched in the next week or so. Assuming I last that long.”

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Written by Alain Sheerer

Alain Sheerer has recently joined the troop as our Sports Correspondent. Someone has to do it.