Monkey Business

Ryan Air pilots plan to ruin summer by flying planes as scheduled

Ryan Air Pilots have pledged to ruin summer for millions of travellers as part of their ongoing industrial dispute with management. The Pilots plan to run a full service, on time and with as little disruption as possible.

A distraught father of four, Ian Napton, “This is a disaster. I booked tickets with Ryan Air because I thought the flight would end up being cancelled. I haven’t even booked a hotel in Alicante, there didn’t seem any point.”

He went on to explain “I was looking forward to a couple of days living in the airport. I know the food’s expensive but we had sandwiches for everyone. It’s a great place, the feral rug rats can run wild for a couple of days and there are loads of other kids for the children to play with. We can get drunk in the afternoon without having to worry about driving and I can catch up on some box sets on the I Pad. Everyone gets a holiday without having to go anywhere, but those bastards are going to ruin it for everyone by flying us all off to Spain.”

A Ryan Air spokesman said “We would like to apologise for any distress and inconvenience caused by flying planes where they are meant to go. It’s a blow to our business model, because in the event of cancellation and delay we make more money out of the refund administration fee, than from flying the planes.”

Easyjet plan to cancel flights as normal.

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