Former NASA Astronaut Boris Johnson Claims He’s Not A Liar

UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been accused of lying yet again. The thirty-two year old was overheard last night at the Chancellor’s Ball claiming “Of course I lift, bro – do you?

Following his successful defeat of the Nazis during WWII and that time when he prevented the heat-death of the known universe, Mr Johnson has his sights set on overcoming another dangerous and power-hungry obstacle – himself.

The Hammersmith Tube Station resident will be booking himself, this week, into a top clinic for liars – a clinic so prestigious that most western politicians have at least had breakfast there.

Dr Sophie Shammer, acting-head of the Institute for Chronic Fibsters says “It truly is an honour to be checking in a hero such as Mr Johnson, knowing all about his impressive war record, his chivalry towards women and the fact that he definitely doesn’t have a fortune in off-shore accounts. We look forward to working with him over the next few months, or at least until he stops telling us how Brexit is ‘a f*cking grand idea.’”

After Prime Minister’s Questions last week which he described as “good” and “completely inoffensive”, Mr Johnson, the 2004 World Tobogganing Champion, spoke to us about his 2020 bid to become All-Holy Emperor of the Bakerloo Underground and how he plans to ban Scots from entering London without an oyster card and a cavity search.We’re uncertain if the last one is actually a lie.

Meanwhile Brexit continues

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As shenanigans continue in the House of Commons and our country continues to be a laughing stock here is Banksy’s Monkey Parliament. Just click on the image to buy your own copy.

Banksy’s Monkey Parliament