Monkey News/The Westminster Monkey House

Parliament’s Kitchen accidentally used cocaine in the Spotted Dick

Members of the House of Commons have attracted severe criticism for their behaviour during the debate, following the ruling over the Government’s illegal use of its’ prerogative power.  

This led to a vitriolic debate, that lacked for sense, decency and basic respect. Concerned that even for this august institution the behaviour went too far, the Speaker ordered an investigation.

Subsequently, it was discovered that the kitchen had mistakenly used cocaine instead of baking powder in the lunchtime Spotted Dick.

Apparently, the rapid resumption of Parliament had caught a couple of MP’s on the hop. A random security sweep, using police dogs, is thought to have alarmed them sufficiently to ditch their supply ‘below stairs’.

Unfortunately, one chef mistook the clear plastic bag of white stuff for baking powder and added it to the sponge mix as a raising agent. The chef in question said, “The bag was unmarked but it looked just like baking powder and when I put some on my tongue it didn’t taste like coke.”

Based on the MP’s behaviour, police compiled a list of all those who they thought had eaten the sponge pudding and were somewhat surprised to find that several senior members of the House had not lunched at Westminster, but had in fact dined at their clubs. Inspector Napton said, “The reason for their appalling behaviour remains a complete mystery.”

Members of the house were appalled at last night’s events and have apologised for their behaviour. They have also agreed that the whole evening is best forgotten about, although, several MP’s have asked for details of the House Kitchen’s suppliers.


Last night MP’s across the House of Commons disgraced themselves and the country but engaging in behaviour that would have got them thrown out of Wetherspoons on a Friday night. They should be ashamed.

These are supposed to be amongst the best in our society, working for the common good, reducing Parliament to pointless grandstanding, name-calling and privileged abuse serves no purpose.

It is time to say that we, the people, choose None of The Above. As it happens we’ve put that on a tee-shirt. Just click on the image to buy one. Although we will also be happy enough to get #NoTA trending on social media.

#NoTA
None of The Above

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Written by Wild Gerald

Gerald has been running around the country, flinging poo, for many years. He is no longer wild, merely slightly annoyed.
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