The EU has delayed the response to Boris Johnson’s proposals for a Withdrawal Agreement, as they cannot agree on the best way to tell him to Fuck Off.

All 27 nations are united in agreeing that his proposals were a publicity stunt in the first place and that he was never serious about coming to an agreement. However, they have become divided as to how to tell him to do one.

Some are in favour of a polite response, along the lines of “Whilst there were constructive talks on both sides, with some strong points made and everyone doing their best, we just couldn’t manage to make a deal.” Although, others prefer a more direct approach, simply stating, “Johnson never had any intention of making this work.”

Apparently, there has been deep division within the EU on the wording and language of the official communique. The Dutch, acting as mediators claim there is no need to be rude but French translators have been working on the English for “Take Nigel, Fuck Off and don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

Consideration was given to the French, German and Irish variants of ‘Fuck Off’, which is ‘Fuck Off’, although traditionally the Irish version is spelt with an e. The Italian ‘Vaffanculo’, the Dutch ‘Rot Op’ and the Portuguese ‘Fodor’ were discarded as being too ‘niche’. Surprisingly the Welsh contributed with ‘Ffyc Off’ but as they were, technically, on the other side this was also disallowed.

Eventually, they’ve decided to go with the Irish version, but using the modern spelling.


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