Surprise across Westminster after an MP was suspended, pending an enquiry into allegations of sexual misconduct.
Whilst Parliament had been rife with rumours as to the identity of the MP in question, heavy money had been bet on it being Boris Johnson. Much to the tousle-haired rogue’s relief, it turned out to be someone else.
One MP said, “That was a bit of a bugger, I had £10,000 on it being Boris. I know the odds were short, but it seemed like such a sure thing. I thought it would pay for Xmas.”
The Cabinet Office issued a statement. “We’re just as surprised as you. Even Boris had a couple of grand on it being him but it turns out that in this case, it wasn’t. He is delighted to say that this time, he genuinely, didn’t do anything wrong.”
“He’s also taking this opportunity to enjoy the moral high ground. Apparently, the view is lovely from up there and he is relishing it. The PM wants to take this opportunity to remind everyone ‘not to be in such a hurry to rush to judgement.’”
A journalist from one of the less reputable papers told us that he had the story already written, before adding “never mind, there will be a next time, all I will have to do is change the lady’s name.”
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