Monkey News/The Westminster Monkey House

Tory wins seat after saying “Benefit claimants should be put down!”

Opponents of Tory General Election candidate Francesca O’Brien have given up hope of being elected.

Lib Dem candidate, Ian Napton, told us, “What chance do we have against this sort of Tory talent. She goes around saying benefits claimants need to be put down and shameless Tories everywhere will come out and vote for her. It’s just the kind of bigoted nonsense every Daily Mail reader wants to hear. She’ll get a massive majority. There’s really no point in me standing against her.”

Labour candidate and benefits claimant, Sharon Jones, said, “I’m a single mother of three. I receive every benefit you can think of. I’m afraid for my life.”

Tory Central Office is believed to be furious. A spokesman said, “What crass timing. She actually said this years ago, but the communist press choose to publicise the fact now as we head into an election campaign. And we’re furious that she apologised anyway for what could become actual manifesto policy next time around.”

Meanwhile, Tory activists are pushing free copies of the Daily Mail through letterboxes in all marginal constituencies.

The General Election 2019 is underway.

Meanwhile, Brexit continues

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