Monkey Business

James Bond has his licence to kill revoked

Following a landmark court case, James Bond will have to change the way in which he infiltrates ‘The Baddies’.

The Court’s concern was that under the current rules, Mr Bond could murder, torture and sleep with as many women as he wanted.  There was no legal definition of reasonable behaviour.

Therefore, with immediate effect any proposed ‘illegal action’ taken by Mr Bond will need a form 1D0N1T, completed in triplicate and countersigned by the relevant minister.

Under the new rules, Mr Bond will need to spell out his intentions detailing what he expects to happen to ‘The Baddies’. For example, will they end up being shot? Strangled? or killed when their undersea base inevitably blows up?

A government spokesman said, “We are obviously disappointed, it’s going to make our job more difficult. When it comes to recruiting spies, the opportunity to torture, murder and sleep with as many women as possible is a big selling point.”

Speaking on behalf of The Baddies, a Mr Bloefeld explained “This is great news, it was a very unfair system. With there being different rules for secret agents no-one knew what was going on, this really helps clear that up. Just because we’re ‘The Baddies’ doesn’t make us bad people, we’ve a job to do too.”

Before adding, “The last time Bond infiltrated my secret base, he shagged my secretary, killed my shark and blew up the missile base. At least he won’t be able to do that again!”


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Written by Sir Drinkalot

Once upon a time there was a very naughty little monkey. This little monkey was always to be found in the pub, when he should have been writing stories. Brains often had to go looking for Sir Drinkalot but Brains usually ended up stuck in the pub too.
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