ELO’s Jeff Lynne Is Excited To Be Returning To His Alien Homeworld

ELO frontman and Intergalactic high-priest Jeff Lynne has revealed that sales from his new album, From Out Of Nowhere, will help to fund him rebuilding his spaceship.

“I’ve had it out the back garden since the seventies and I’ve tried calling the AA a couple of times but they’re not interested cos it’s not got wheels,” Mr Lynne told us. “So, now I just keep it outside and store my bikes and patio furniture in it, unless of course we’re using it for album artwork.”

Mr “Blue Sky” Lynne arrived in the UK from Hydra, the Fifth Moon of Pluto – which we reported recently as being the new location for Donald Trump’s Space Hotel’s car park – and established the Electric Light Orchestra as a cosmic cry for help to his people to return him home.

“That’s the only reason there’s all that weird high-pitched modulated stuff in my songs,” he informed us, “so my people back on Hydra would be able to understand. Unfortunately, they don’t quite understand the Brummie accent I picked up when I landed here.”

Mr Lynne has been attempting to get back home for some time now but is annoyed that the general public still haven’t picked up that he’s an alien noise-master from a Planet obsessed with The Beatles and big stupid light displays.

“I’ve not exactly been subtle about being an alien,” he continued, “I mean, my logo’s a big piss-off spaceship. We’ve got the BBC Sound Library’s entire sci-fi section in our songs. “Don’t Bring Me Down,” was written about the meteor storm that crashed my spaceship in f*cking Birmingham of all places.”

Mr Lynne’s revelation that he’s an alien has certainly explained why his hair is still the colour it is – despite him being eight-hundred and twelve – how he’s managed to outlive the rest of the Travelling Wilburys (not including Bob Dylan, who is also an alien) and why he wears sunglasses indoors.

“The spaceship rebuilding is going quite well,” he admitted, “soon I’ll have sold enough albums to buy it a new coat of paint.”


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