Patient sues NHS after receiving blood from a Tory donor

Labourite Ian Napton is suing the NHS after a blood transfusion went horribly wrong and turned him into a Tory.

As part of a routine operation, Ian expected to receive donor blood, something he agreed to before treatment began. Unfortunately, he was given blood from a Tory voter. He says that as a lifelong, card-carrying, Labour member he wouldn’t have gone ahead with the procedure had he known this could happen.

“When I came round I immediately realised that there was something wrong. In my medicated haze I became aware that the nurse was Asian and without thinking I’d shouted out “Why don’t you fuck off back where you came from?” she said “Well firstly I’ve got to wipe your shitty arse and secondly, there is no way I am moving back to Birmingham, not for all the tea in China.”

The problems didn’t end there. Back at work his new Tory tendencies were causing trouble with his work as a Union convener. During the pay negotiations, he instructed his members to take a pay cut, talked them out of strike action and started a highly inappropriate affair with a secretary.

His family are devastated. Mrs Napton, “We can’t show our face down at the social. Now he wants ‘to be seen’ at The Harvester, he’s joined the Masons and started playing golf with estate agents. It’s all so embarrassing, he’s hopeless at golf.”

Mr Napton believes that as a Tory it’s his duty to sue the NHS for all he can get. “It’s what Maggie would have wanted”.