Breaking News – Nigel Farage's acceptance speech

“Well, what a night for the Brexit Party. A party which didn’t even exist two years ago and won’t exist any more in a few weeks’ time.

This is the greatest of victories. We may have no seats but we’ve polled nearly three million votes across the country and we’ve had a couple of almost seconds, several fourths and an honourable mention in Rochester. Clearly we are in tune with the British people.

He is not The Messiah
Nigel is not The Messiah

I want Boris Johnson to know this. His deal is Brexit in name only. When I agreed to stand down 317 of our candidates, it was because he agreed to drag his feet on trade negotiations and we will have a no deal Brexit at the end of next year. Oh, and he gave me Jennifer’s phone number, too.

Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink!

But if he doesn’t honour his promise, he will feel the full might of 17.4 million people who didn’t vote for a deal. They voted to get out and despite the fact that two million of them are already dead, that still leaves 15.4 million who will come after him unless he delivers this time next year. Well, ok, probably a few less than that as some more of the original 17.4 million will have died by then. But you get my point.

We must achieve a clean break from the EU, an organisation which has ensured that our businesses can trade seamlessly across the continent, which has ensured that our people have had the right of free movement to go and set up bars and greasy spoon cafes in Spain and then come back straight away when they got older and needed the NHS. We must break away from these garlic loving bureaucrats who sneer at our roast beef-laden pub menus.

BrexIT
Brexit, the horror continues

The Brexit Party claims victory tonight. No other party, not even the Tories, has tapped quite so brilliantly into the underlying sense of ignorance and suspicious fear of foreigners which exists across the country.

It’s now time for Reform. It’s time to take back control from the Tories, although we probably ought to allow them time to deliver on their promised tax cuts for higher rate taxpayers first.

Thank you and good night!

Meanwhile Brexit continues